If you’re a family caregiver, you’ve probably heard this phrase:
“Let me know if you need anything.”

It’s well-meaning, but when you’re knee-deep in caregiving tasks, it can feel almost impossible to answer. Do you ask them to run to the pharmacy? Stay with your loved one for an afternoon? Fold a mountain of laundry? And if you do ask, will you feel like you’re burdening them?

The truth is that caregiving isn’t a one-person job.

It takes a village, not just to provide care, but to keep you healthy, too. The ability to ask for and accept help is not a weakness, it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned and practiced.

Why Family Caregivers Struggle to Ask for Help

Most family caregivers don’t avoid help because they’re stubborn. They avoid it because:

They feel responsible for everything
They don’t want to inconvenience others
They think others won’t do things “the right way”
They’re worried they’ll be judged as incapable
They’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that “good” caregivers do it all

This mindset can lead to burnout, resentment, and even health problems for the caregiver. The irony? Asking for help early can prevent crises later.

Step 1: Redefine What It Means to Accept Help

You might feel that accepting help means you’re failing or “slacking off.” That’s simply not true.
Think of it this way:

If you were running a business, you wouldn’t do every job yourself, you’d delegate.
If you were raising a child, you wouldn’t hesitate to involve a teacher, coach, or babysitter.
Caregiving is no different. Letting others step in allows you to focus on the tasks only you can do.

Step 2: Identify Your Real Needs

When someone says, “What can I do?” and your mind goes blank, it’s usually because you haven’t taken time to list what actually helps.
Try this:

Keep a running list on your phone of tasks big and small
Break them into categories: household, errands, companionship for your loved one, emotional support for you
Include both one-time needs (install grab bars) and recurring needs (walk the dog on Tuesdays)

When you have specifics ready, you can answer in the moment instead of saying, “I’m fine,” when you’re not.

Step 3: Match the Right Task to the Right Person

Not everyone can do every task, and that’s okay.

Practical helpers: The friend who loves to cook might drop off a freezer meal.
Errand runners: A neighbor who’s out and about can pick up groceries or prescriptions.
Good listeners: The sibling who lives far away can check in with you by phone regularly.
Skilled support: A professional caregiver can handle personal care tasks or give you respite time.

Matching skills and willingness makes it easier for people to say yes.

Step 4: Use Tools to Coordinate Help

If you’re juggling offers from multiple people, a little organization goes a long way. Consider:

Shared calendars (Google Calendar, Cozi) to schedule visits and tasks
Caregiving apps like Lotsa Helping Hands or CaringBridge to post needs and updates
Group texts or emails to keep everyone informed without repeating yourself

These tools also reduce the “mental load” of remembering who’s doing what.

Step 5: Practice Saying Yes

Even if someone offers in a vague way - “Let me know if I can do anything” - try this:

Thank them sincerely
Pick something specific they can do
Give them the option to choose or adjust

Example: “Thanks so much. If you’re at the store this week, could you grab some milk and bread? If not, no worries.”

Step 6: Let Go of Perfection

One of the hardest parts of accepting help is knowing things might not be done exactly your way.

The laundry might be folded differently. Dinner might be a little spicier than you’d cook it.

That’s okay. Ask yourself: Does it really matter in the long run?

Most of the time, the answer is no, and the trade-off is worth your time, energy, and sanity.

Step 7: Reciprocate in Ways That Work for You

You might feel better accepting help if you know you can give back. That doesn’t have to mean matching effort for effort; you have enough on your plate. Instead, you can:

Write a heartfelt thank-you card
Share extra produce from your garden
Offer to share your favorite recipes
Publicly acknowledge their kindness

Small gestures of appreciation go a long way.

A Real-Life Example

Maria was caring for her father after his stroke. She refused help for months, afraid her siblings would think she couldn’t handle it.

When she finally admitted she was exhausted, her brother began taking their father to physical therapy twice a week. A neighbor started mowing her lawn. Her cousin sent weekly frozen meals.

Maria realized that by saying yes, she wasn’t just lightening her workload, she was allowing others to feel involved and connected.

Quick Tips to Make Asking Easier

Start small — ask for a 30-minute break before asking for a weekend away
Be direct — vague hints usually don’t work
Use “I” statements — “I could really use…” instead of “You should…”
Remember you’re giving others an opportunity to help someone they care about

Final Thought

Asking for help doesn’t make you less of a caregiver, it makes you a sustainable one. You’re not only taking care of your loved one, you’re building a network of support that can weather the ups and downs of caregiving together.

At Homewatch CareGivers of Ellicott City we’re always here to help. Contact us today and let’s talk about how professional home care services can help lighten the load.